I’m sick of political correctness.

I’m sick of wondering if the term African American is the only one available to me or is it ok to call someone a ‘black guy.’ I’m sick of covertly wording a sentence to describe someone only to leave out their color because I’m not sure how to do it non-racist-ly. I’m sick of avoiding conversations about race relations because an overheard repeated insult might just earn me an ass whooping. Sure, I could dart my eyes around and breathlessly whisper, “Then he said the N-word!” But seriously, now! The N-word? Are we fucking children here?

Nigger. There, I said it.

What’s more is that lots of other people still stay it, too. They just say it quietly and behind closed doors. Race relations have not improved just because white people know that black people have guns now, too.

My questions is: How are we supposed to improve race relations if we’re too scared to talk about them?

Also, am I allowed you call you gay? Or do I have to sound all dry and technical and say ‘Homosexual?’ I am not scared or intimidated because you enjoy dick in your ass. On the contrary, I applaud you because a dick in the ass never caused an accidental pregnancy and I’m all for less episodes of ‘Super Nanny.’ I have absolutely no religious objections to man on man love and I think pearls look pretty on boys. My only beef is that I’m not sure what I’m allowed to call you anymore. On top of that, I’m not sure what I’m allowed to call my brother anymore. I used to call him a fag, but I don’t want you to be offended when I insult my fucking brother.

Again: How are we supposed to learn that you’re just like us (only with better fashion sense) if we avoid interaction with you simply because we don’t want to accidentally offend?

Additionally, will you men please stop apologizing after you say anything that can even remotely be seen as sexist? If you quote a statistic you read that says women aren’t usually as good at math as men, I promise I won’t run out of the room in tears. I know that you are not implying that a scientific study totally absent of gender bias proves that women couldn’t possibly be good at math EVER so I should get back into the kitchen RIGHT NOW and make you a chicken pot pie; you are simply pointing out that men, as a whole, are a little better at math. The truth is I’m not good at math. And that’s ok because I do own a calculator. Men and women are different sometimes, but that doesn’t mean they are fundamentally unequal. I’m ok with that. So stop apologizing.

Besides, it would be kind of hypocritical of me to bitch and moan that men don’t understand women only to take offense every time you delve into our brains.

All Muslims are terrorists. Jews are stingy with their money. Chinese women all know how to put on acrylic fingernails. Christians are bigots. Hispanics know everything there is to know about drywall. If you’re a geeky teenage boy and you read a book about vampires, you’ll shoot up your school.

Is any of this shit true? I’d ask, but I don’t want to offend.

Political correctness does not create a more tolerant society. It creates a society of people secretly consumed by resentment because one honest slip of the tongue can earn them a label as an intolerant boob. Political correctness limits speech and creates hatred where none existed in the first place.

I have an idea; how about we drop all this politically correct bullshit? How about we all talk to each other openly and honestly without making certain words off limits and without deeming certain subject taboo? How about we eliminate the fear of offending our fellow man and replace it with an honest attempt at understanding our fellow man? Go ahead, ask me anything. I won’t cry and I won’t tell you what a bad person you are. In return, however, I might want to ask you a couple of questions. Please don’t pistol whip me because you didn’t like my phrasing. Real tolerance comes from education, so let’s all quit being afraid to raise our hands in class.

We might just end up loving each other after all. Or we might end up hating each other’s guts. But, either way, we’ll be loving and hating for all the right reasons.