You’ve finally found the girl of your dreams barring one small exception: she doesn’t know you’re alive. To make matters worse, you strongly suspect she’s totally out of your league. She’s beautiful; you’re a fat slob. She’s wealthy; you’re struggling financially. She popular and social; you spend your Friday nights browsing your collection of Internet porn and playing World of Warcraft. In other words, she’s godiva and you’re a freaking tootsie roll.

Is there any hope at all for a love connection?

In a word? Yes.

See, here’s the thing men need to realize about women…they love to date losers. It doesn’t matter if the loser is a tattooed ex-con with quick fists or a socially inept computer nerd living in his Mother’s basement. Women will date them all given the opportunity.

Don’t believe me? Ask divorced women. They will bore you to tears with stories about their asshole ex-husbands.

So what’s the secret? Well, let me break it down to you in a few simple steps.

Be Funny

Most women are almost irresistibly attracted to funny guys, so cultivateyour sense of humor now. It is especially helpful if you possess what can be described as a ‘dry wit.’ The girl of your dreams will welcome your sarcasm just as long as it’s not aimed at her or her friends. Women are generally bitter, insecurity ridden hags, so feel free to ruthlessly skewer any woman your love interest perceives as a rival and she’ll be making goo-goo eyes at you in no time.

Show Absolutely No Interest in Her Whatsoever Outside of Friendship

Women love a challenge so become a challenge. If a woman thinks she’s has you in the bag, she’ll turn up her nose. On the other hand, if you make her think she doesn’t have a chance in Hell with you, she’ll work that much harder to woo you.

If you’re having a friendly drink with a woman you’re interested in, become easily distracted. Flirt a little with the attractive bartender. Be a little too quick to point out that the girl you’re with is just a friend. Fill the contact list of your cell phone with names of other girls (Even if the numbers actually belong to your guy friends), excuse yourself while you go to the restroom, and leave your phone on the bar. If you come back and notice that your love interest suddenly wants to cozy up to you, you can bet it finally hit home for her that you are a challenge.

Never Compliment Her

If you could somehow liquefy compliments, women would buy them all and use them as perfume. Most women have been told how beautiful and special they are nonstop since birth, so a compliment from you means jack shit in the grand scheme of things. Hell, if the girl is particularly hot, giving her a compliment could actively work against you being that it signifies you are no different from every other limp dick retard that drools all over her.

If you really want to get a girl to notice you, don’t compliment her. Compliments are the life blood of women; lack of compliments is their Kryptonite. They can’t function without their steady stream of flattery. Cutting out the sweet talk will effectively stop the blood from traveling all the way to their brains which means they will be oblivious to the mustard stain on your shirt. The only thing they will notice is that you’re not complimenting them.

If She Fishes For a Compliment, Tell Her She Looks ‘Fine.’

Just because you’re not actively complimenting a woman doesn’t mean you should be mean to her. If you insult a hot woman, she will most likely roll her eyes and think to herself that you’re only treating her this way because you know you could never nail her. This is counterproductive to your goals.

When a woman asks you, ‘How do I look?’ she is really saying, ‘Here is your cue to lavish me with praise.’ Don’t fall for this crap. Instead, blink your eyes as if you’re confused and say, ‘Fine.’ Then, subtly change the subject.

You will know you have got a woman by the ovaries if she persists in questioning you about her looks. Desperate woman will often say, ‘Fine? What’s that supposed to mean? You don’t think this dress makes me look [fat/slutty/short/etc], do you?’ Stick to your guns here, men. Keep repeating the word ‘fine’ over and over again until you see that hysterical little gleam in her eyes and hear the quaver in her voice. After that, you can revise your ‘fine’ to ‘Good….I guess.’

All night long she will be wondering what she can do to get your attention.

She’s Like a Little Sister

To maximize the results of this technique you will need to enlist in the help of a friend. Also, this friend must be 100% trustworthy, because if your love interest ever finds out you used this on her, she will own your balls for life.

In a casual group setting, have your friend remark to you and your potential girlfriend that you two would make a really great couple. Before she can say a word, roll your eyes, laugh a little, and say, ‘Oh please. She’s like a little sister to me!’

I guarantee you she will be up all night staring at the ceiling and wringing her hands.

Subtly Let Her Know That Other Girls are Interested in You

It doesn’t matter if this is a bold faced lie and a woman hasn’t been interested in you since Cindy with scoliosis sent you a love letter in the second grade. If the girl you’re hot for invites you to see a movie, turn her down by letting her know you have a date. Then, hang out in your house all night and bask in the glow of your collection of Internet porn.

Rest assured that her night is going worse. She’s probably getting drunk and crying to her sympathetic girlfriends that you don’t even know she’s alive.

Wait For It

After a few months of this, even the hottest girl alive with crumple like a cookie. She finally break down and do one of two things:

1. Write you a long, heartfelt letter in which she confesses her secret love for you.
2. Get sloppy drunk and confess her secret love for you in person.

At this point you can tell her she’s pretty, but don’t overdo it. Usually this will be all takes to get her in the sack. Call her 2 days later and Wam! You’ll have a new girlfriend.

After you’re knee deep in hot girl pussy, I know you’ll want to email me and thank me for this list. However, your adulation is completely unnecessary. As far as I’m concerned, seeing dumb girls with losers is all the thanks I need.